"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart."

:S

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 16:33:02 GMT

I have never fully understood temptation until now.. -_-

Vain, pointless, non-presonal entry

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 23:46:22 GMT

So my friend at work straightened my hair for me last night before work.
Apparently, I'm hot with straight hair. I wish I had a camera to show you guys.
I got hit on by about seven different people I work with. :)
/me self esteem boost!

Sat, 19 Jan 2008 06:11:57 GMT

So, yeah. My marriage is fallen apart. We've hardly spoken all week. I told him how I was feeling and he blew up at me. Told me I was just like his ex, whom he has never said a kind word about.
So I'm kind of at a standstill now.

Okay, 2 weeks is fine

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 08:12:49 GMT

Before you nudge me.
Not alot is going on, but it is. I wish I could give more, but I don't know whats going to happen right now. I don't know up from down, right from left.
I'll explain more later, when I figure it all out...

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 23:30:39 GMT

I had my proverbial Homeowners cherry popped the other day. I told my first Jehovah's Witnesses to go away!

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 16:16:07 GMT

I want to thank everyone for your kind words. :)
I decided to post again, instead of responding to everyone. I may be depressed, but I'm still lazy.
I actually got out of the house for a little yesterday. I took the boys out to lunch, then met up with hubbie to do a little Christmas shopping. I bought myself some pants and shoes for work too. It was cool, since I've only bought myself clothes once since Lukas was born. I'm okay with not buying street clothes, since I don't wear what I have. Plus it was cool to get out a little and hang out with hubbie.
I'm switching health insurance companies soon, and after that, I will start counseling, despite hubbies approval or non-approval.
Thanks again everyone. :)

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 00:45:56 GMT

I've been feeling a certain way for a while but I haven't said anything to anyone. I don't even think I've been honest with myself. The truth is, I am so lonely. I know I'm not alone, but for some reason, I feel so lonely. I don't have anything outside of my family and my job thats really just for me. I have no real friends. I don't have time for any hobbies. I go to work, I come home. That's it. Hubbie tells me to get out, but don't have anywhere to go or anything to do. I've been having nightmares too. About abusing the boys in the way I was abused. It makes me sick to think that I could be capable of that. I can still see it in my head and I want nothing more than to make it stop. I don't know what I would do if I were to do anything like that. I tried to talk to hubbie about it. He kept reassuring me that it was just a dream. I know it was dream. That's not what makes me cry. Its closing my eyes and seeing it over and over again. I told him that maybe I should start seeing someone. He doesn't think I need to go. He's just so oblivious to how depressed I really am. I don't think I've really, truly smiled in weeks. It's all I can do to not cry constantly...

Ch-ch-ch-changes..

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 22:33:47 GMT

So I've been back @ Hard Rock for a week. It's almost like I never left. Same junk, new people. Working overnight will take some getting used to though.
Having my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow via oral surgery. Fun.

I haven't thought of him in years..

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 16:53:40 GMT

I found out yesterday, that I guy I knew in HS died in Afghanistan in May. We were friends, and dated very briefly.
Very strange...

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 03:54:50 GMT

Well, my last day @ Ford is Friday. It sucks, but this will be so good for us. I mentally checked out like, last week though. I spent half my day today reading news articles and using our private search systems to find people I went to HS with. :)
I need to find a way to abuse my last couple days though. I don't wanna do anything too messed up, 'cause I like my boss and hubbie still has to work there. Any ideas?
And another birthday, come and gone, nothing real special. :)

Drama, Drama, Drama...

Sun, 07 Oct 2007 14:57:27 GMT

Well, for the last two months my sister and her fiancee have been babysitting the boys whie Hubbie and I work. Well apparently my sister's fiancee has put in for a couple good paying jobs that would leave him unable to help babysit. So hubbie and I came up with a plan to eliminate child care expenses all together. I secured a position at a hotel doing Night Audit. Night Audit is a fancy term for th graveyard shift. It's going to suck, but it will be good in that I will get to be with the boys more and will have a good amount of extra money back in our budget. Guess which hotel? Yep, the Hard Rock! It's better to go with the devil you know, versus the devil you don't, right? ;)
That leads me to something else I have to drop on the same sister. She's getting married in June. I want very much to be there for my sister, but there is a good chance that her father, who sexually abused me for three years is going to be there. I just can't do it. I still can't face him. So I have to tell my sister I won't be there on one of the most important days of her life if father is there. I have no idea how she is going to react.

Peace, teeth and vicoden

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 19:25:45 GMT

I have been home alone all day and it is glorious. It's quiet and I haven't done a thing yet.
However, I did have to go to the dentist this morning. My wisdom teeth are coming in and need to be removed. And they are quite painful. I have to make an appointment for full on oral surgery!
One up-side is vicoden! Got a scrip, and spent part of the in a coma on my sofa! Yay!
I also just went outside to check the mail in my boy shorts and about gave my neighbor's landscapers a heart attack. :)

H'okay..

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 00:19:54 GMT

So this is everything that has happened in the last month and a half:
I've been promoted at Ford. Twice. :)
At first everything was going great on the house. Then, the week of the closing, there was a scramble to get some things done that the mortgage broker failed to mention we needed. Then, the day of the closing, he calls us to advise that there was a problem with the title and out lender wasn't going to fund he loan at all. I cried.
Then he finds this other lender and gets everything done. Then at the closing, come to find out the original lender funded it anyway, because they fixed the problem with the title. Then the seller said he couldn't close on the second date we set aside. When we threatend to walk on the deal, he made time. But eventually we got our house. Moving was an adventure.
Lukas started walking everywhere and turned one.
My second wedding anniversary is next Tuesday.
My birthday is next month.
I AM SOOO HAPPY W/ MY HOUSE!!!

I'mmmmm baccckkkkkk...

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 02:51:12 GMT

Didya miss me? :)

:(

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 22:43:25 GMT

Everything is falling into place with the house. However, in an effort to save the last bit of cash we need for expenses, we're cutting cable and internet on Monday...:(
I'll have some access from work and will post when I can...

beaming

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 01:07:09 GMT

They accepted our offer! We're closing on our first home on Aug 17th!

Yay!

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 03:06:24 GMT

Well, we saw a house on Sunday we like. We made an offer on it today! Now we just wait to hear back on the offer. We offered what they were asking, based on them paying all the closing costs, which in the current housing market isn't a stretch.
What sucks is that now we have to come up almost $4K for a down payment and inspection costs. We have a plan though.
I'll let you know what happens!!

Unthinkable

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 22:44:07 GMT

I found my first gray hairs this week.

Please kill me...

:)

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 03:18:59 GMT

I love Leeza for my set on EoFF. :)
Congrats on the Horniest Member Ciddie, Tanner. You've deserved that one for a while... ;)
Work is ok. Nothing special. I've decided that my teammates are black holes of negativity trying to suck me in. I've decided that the best course of action is to get and keep my stats up to get the fuck away from them.
Speaking of curse words, Nick has picked one up from Hubbie. I'll let you guess which one.
We got pre-approved for a mortgage and are now shopping for a home. :)

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 22:29:12 GMT

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	High
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

Sweet.

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 22:41:06 GMT

So, I've hardly posted in the last three months and I got nominated for a Ciddie. Awesome.
My boss is still an idiot, but he's sucking up to me now.
House shopping and trying to get financed is a mega huge hassle.

%#@$*&^%@!!!!!!!!!!!

Wed, 30 May 2007 22:38:16 GMT

So I realized today that my boss is an idiot. I am so furious with him. I wanted to apply for this other position that was open. I talked to him and he said I was qualified. So at the bottom of the posting it said to respond the the poster with LDEP. I asked him what that was, since I've only been there for 7 mos. and never applied for another position. He said not to worry and to email the person who posted the position. I find out today that and LDEP is basically an online application form that is needed to send the poster of the job. So now that he mislead me, there's a good chance I won't get that job. I hope the asshole shuts his hand in a car door.

Ug.

Sun, 20 May 2007 15:58:30 GMT

Uhhhhhhh...
No need for an update really. Nothing new to report. Some stuff going on w/ buying a place later this year, but when I know something definite, you'll know.
I applied for another job at Ford. Its the Admin. Asst. to the Dealer Services department. Its M-F, 8-5, no weekend. Plus, no more collecting and no more being strapped to a phone.
Lukas has been crawling for a few weeks now, as well as pulling himself up on furniture and side-stepping along said furniture. He'll be walking in the next two months. I'll put money on it.
Okay, well need to go grocery shopping. Ta-Ta!

My vacation adventures, or Sam versus the Mountain

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 22:49:12 GMT

Our adventures actually start back on Monday the 16th. We're scheduled to leave for vacation on the 20th. Nick wakes up with a 102 degree fever. Great. But by afternoon, he seems to be feeling better. All is well.
Tuesday the 17th - Kids are fine, but I start feeling like crap. I leave during lunch at work.
Wednesday the 18th- I'm still sick and attempt to go to work. I get sent home. I'm throwing up and have a fever. Crap.
Thursday the 19th - Still sick. Stayed home from work. That night Lukas starts acting sick.
Friday the 20th - Lukas let me get about three hours sleep. Stayed home from work again. I keep him all medicined up and he seems to be better. Hubbie and I decide to make the trip. We leave Brandon about 6:30 pm, headed for the mountains of North Carolina. All is well at first, but the natives start getting restless and get sick of the car seats. At about 12:30, we get off and find a hotel for the night.
Saturday the 21st - After a decent nights sleep, we all wake up feeling a little bit better. I'm still sick myself at this point. I'm congested with a slight fever and cough. We arrive at our destination at about 6-ish. We get to the road my grandfather lives on and notice that it goes up. As in up a mountain. My mother told me that my grandfather had a trailer. So I'm thinking like mobile home trailer. Nope. Trailer as in travel trailer. I'm staying for a week with hubbie, the kids, my mother and my gradfather in a camper on the side of a mountain. Fan-fucking-tastic. Nothing else interesting happens that night.
Sunday the 22nd - We go into town to have lunch with some family friends. It was cool. The rest of the day we spent driving around looking at stuff and looking for wildlife. Fun at first, but by about Hour 3 I was ready to be done.
Monday the 23rd - We get up and go into Tennessee today. My mom loves this place called Cades Cove. Its an old settlement that's also a wildlife preserve. It's cool, but I swear my mom freaks out for the deer. We drove 10 mph through this place looking for deer and bear. Didn't matter that we had seen deer and bear on the way there and about 7 times while we were there. Also, by this point, my mother is really pissing me off. So I'm being a bitch to everyone to avoid conflict with my mother. I explain to hubbie and he understands and we decide the next day we're going off on our own so I don't kill my mom. The highlight of the day was Nick repeatedly calling Elk cows after Mom's efforts to correct him. It was hilarious.
Tuesday the 24th - We get up, just hubbie the kids and me, and go over to Gatlinburg TN. Its a cute little tourist trap town. We hang out for while and hubbie realizes that he's close to this road he wants to go down. It's called "The Tail of the Dragon". Its 318 curves in 11 miles. I puked. When we get back to my grandpa's place we get the best news we've had all week. My mother and grandfather are leaving tomorrow. Thank the gods.
Wednesday the 25th - Hubbie and I are going to Asheville which has some cool stuff to do. We go to the boyhood home of Thomas Wolfe and we go to this cool museum of minerals and rocks. I saw a geode half as tall as me. We then went to the NC Arboreteum which was peaceful and nice. On our way back my mother calls in the brief minute we have cell service. There's a big storm coming tomorrow. So we check the weather on hubbie's phone (because we don't get service at grandpa's place and we have no TV either). Sure enough, there's a big thunderstorm with hail coming tomorrow. Fuck this, we're leaving tomorrow.
Thursday the 26th - Trip home nothing really eventful. We get home about 11:30 last night.
Friday - So here I am. Home but still sick. Pictures may follow soon. We had to borrow a camera because I'm pretty sure my sister's boyfriend stole mine.

Ahhhh..

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 03:49:24 GMT

Vacation in a week. Thank gods... :)
I feel like I don't belong at EoFF anymore. It doesn't have anything to do with the ownership change, I've just felt that way for a while.
I've recently got in contact with my best friend from HS. I'm really excited to see her!
Work sucks. Don't make me go, please... :(
I pulled my Tarot deck out of the closet the other day. I haven't really touched them since Nick was born. It felt good to shuffle them again. There's public coven that holds open circles every Full Moon and they're having one next Saturday. I'm going to try to go, if not too tired from the trip home...
Okay. Bedtime..